-I'm angry because my mom has cancer. I'm angry because I feel I don't have the right to be angry. It's not me fighting the battle taking in that poison they call Chemo. It's not me that hurts so bad I can't get out of bed. It's not me that's nauseous day in and day out. But I am the daughter. I'm angry because it has changed her and everyone around her. I'm selfishly angry because now I have a much higher chance of getting breast cancer myself. I'm angry because it's a realty now that I could lose my mommy. And that's not a very good feeling.
-I'm angry that I have this stupid phobia, called Emetophobia. I'm angry that I can't go one day without having some fearful thought that today "I'm going to be sick." I'm angry that when I now talk about it openly, I still feel judged, even by my husband. I'm angry that no matter what my conscious mind tells me is rational, I still get the shakes and heart race every time I maybe feel a little "funny."
-I'm angry that my Employer found out I'm looking for a new job, just because someone thought it would be so beneficial for them to call my current employer for a reference, before I gave them authorization to do so. I'm angry that I had to sit through two very uncomfortable meetings and come up with some bullshit smack as to why I'm applying for a new job while still try and save my ass from being "let go" when slow season comes around. I'm angry that I couldn't just come out and tell them why I want to leave (but who would that really benefit?) Not this girl! I still need to work.
-I'm angry that I'm lazy. Yes, lazy. I'm angry that there isn't something medically wrong with me that I can use as an excuse as to why i'm so lazy (like deficient in Vitamin D or something). Trust me, I've checked. I'm angry that I bought an exercise bike to assist in my laziness, but I'm too lazy to use it. I'm angry that because of my phobia of getting sick, I can't use my bike for more then ten minutes in fear it will make me nauseous and get sick. Number two and four on this list obviously go hand in hand.
-I'm angry that I'm trying to ween off my anti-anxiety/depression medication because I believe I don't need it, nor do I want to be on it. I'm angry because I thought it was going so smoothly, but obviously it's not going so well, hence the post?
-I'm angry that I'm posting this, but I not use to complaining, so I'm sure I will regret it. But hey, what the hell?
-Let just say, I'm just feeling angry today.
