To my fellow Emetophobia sufferers, I know you'll understand this one. Tonight at 8:30 in the evening, once I put my Monkey to bed, I thought to myself "hey, the hubby is working tonight, maybe I should go to bed early and get some nice extra sleep." But as soon as I had that thought pop in my head I panicked. Why you may ask? Any Emet would probably be able to answer that question for you, but I will explain. When someone is going to get sick, they tend to get really tired prior to it, and usually go to bed early. Then wake up in the middle of the night puking their brains out. I have seen this many of times, and shit, it just happened to my hubby only a month ago. He, on the other hand, decided it was a better idea to go out with his friends to the bar. Ask him how well that turned out?
Now these thoughts I had tonight are obviously very irrational. I wasn't even tired, I just thought I didn't have anything else to do, so why not go to bed. But like I mentioned before, I panicked before I could even finish my thoughts. I panicked that maybe it was a sign I was going to get sick, maybe I shouldn't have eaten that taco bar at the restaurant tonight (even though I always told myself I would never eat a taco bar in my life.) Oh no, now I'm burping the shit up. Now I have stomach cramps. There is no way I am going to bed early tonight, I am not going to let myself get sick.
Why in the world would I let these irrational thoughts take control of my night? That question I cannot answer. But the more I discuss or write about these phobic thoughts and actions, the more I am understanding they come from a specific part of the brain. I am understanding they are irrational thoughts. Understanding these thoughts come to my brain before I can even explain to myself the reality of things. Now all I need to do is figure out a way to intercept these thoughts before my body can react with fear. Anybody know of a cheap therapist?
Anyways, I wasn't planning on posting tonight, but since those thoughts popped into my head just 15 minutes ago, I thought I'd write about them while it's all still fresh on my brain. Wish me luck on sleeping tonight.
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